Day 4…

I’m not seeing any improvement day to day, the pain is still very much the same and I miss you like crazy. You texted me yesterday… that you had this special dried meat from Switzerland for me if I’m interested… I could have been heartless and ignored you or just replied no thanks… but I was nice, and said thank you for thinking of me, but no thanks. You asked why, did I stop eating or am I on a diet or am I replying no out of sheer boycott… I replied that I am dieting, and eating with the parents nowadays, and will be fasting again soon… your reply was 😛

I hate it when you text me. I get excited and nervous, and so very sad. But at the same time, I like it, because I know you are still thinking of me and I mean something to you.

You are posting about your trip next week… I miss our trips. I miss falling asleep in your arms and being awakened by your kisses all over my face… We had such amazing memories.

I am trying to block out the feelings, trying not to be sad… I am trying to take it out on the gym, hoping it would help me sleep… but that didn’t work yesterday. I couldn’t fall asleep, and kept imagining us together… and thankful that I made the most out of every second we were together… the memories and images keep rushing in my mind, and they break my heart over and over again.

I hope things will get better, I want to be better… I want to feel stronger to move on. I am not putting my hopes on the possibility of you changing your mind, because I don’t think you will. Because you are stubborn, and you will not sacrifice… maybe this is for the best.

Today gym again, and again, I hope I don’t see you, though I doubt. Today is the last day of the week… we usually do something. My heart aches with the thought that you may be doing something with another girl today.

I love you, but I hate you so much!

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Day 3

Saw you at the gym yesterday… it was really hard. You came, you touched my hands as I was stretching… asked me how I was, how is my workout… told me to come say hi before I leave, you’ll be swimming… so I did. I was leaving, you asked didn’t I want to talk? What do you want to talk about?? You said anything, the weather… I told you it’s hot and walked off.

It really hurts… I am so so sad. I love you so much and I cannot do anything… how can you do this? God, I pray that you reach a point you can’t go on without me, that you come back with a solution so we can be together… you make me so happy. Now I have to learn to make myself just as happy, or at least try…. you are always on my mind.

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